41 and Still Becoming

Today, I turn 41.

Last year, turning 40 felt heavy, like closing one chapter and stepping into another. Like I was standing at a doorway, looking back at everything I had survived.

This birthday isn’t just about another year. It’s about recovery. Resilience. Learning to prioritize my well-being, emotionally and physically. And gratitude feels like the right place to begin.

This year feels especially emotional because just a few days ago, on 17/02, I had surgery for a herniated disc. It wasn’t my first one. I had already gone through this before, exactly a year ago, hoping it would finally solve the pain. It didn’t.

This time, the surgery was more complicated. The herniation was in two places, and part of my vertebra had to be removed to relieve the pressure on the nerve. It’s strange how you can carry pain for so long that it almost becomes part of who you are.

There’s something humbling about lying in a hospital bed right before your birthday. It reminded me how fragile and strong we can be at the same time. Healing isn’t linear. Sometimes you think you’ve handled something, and life brings it back around, asking you to go deeper. To slow down. To listen. To take better care of yourself.

So this birthday feels different.

Instead of thinking about age, I’m thinking about responsibility. My responsibility to myself.

I want to learn to put myself first without guilt.
I want to listen to my body instead of pushing through pain.
I want to remember that I am responsible for my happiness, for my peace, for my self-love.
I want to think about my future with intention. About the dreams I still carry. The things I still have time to build.

41 feels like a year of choosing myself more consciously. This birthday isn’t just about another year. It’s about recovery. About resilience. About learning to prioritize my well-being, emotionally and physically. And gratitude feels like the right place to begin.

Here are 41 things I’m grateful for
(P.S. They’re in no particular order.)

1. My Family – The love, the history, the roots that remind me where I come from. Even when life shifts, that foundation matters.
2. My Health – After cancer, after so many surgeries, after pain, I don’t take a functioning body for granted. I’m learning to listen to it instead of pushing through.
3. My Friends – The ones who stayed. The ones who check in. The ones who see me without needing me to explain myself.
4. Nature – Sunsets, ocean air, trees, birds in the morning. Nature resets me when nothing else does.
5. Laughter – Even in hard moments, I still find something to smile about. That resilience means more than I realized.
6. Music – Songs that held me when people couldn’t. Music has carried every version of me.
7. My Home – My safe place. My plants. My quiet corners. A space where I can breathe and be my silly self.
8. The Little Moments – Tea on a rainy day. Fresh flowers. Slow mornings. The small things are actually the big things.
9. Growth – I think differently now. I react differently. I understand myself better.
10. The Challenges – They tested me, but they also revealed my strength.
11. Misty – Her presence alone softens my days. Pure love ♥
12. Love – The kind that is safe. The kind that feels steady. And the love I’m learning to give myself.
13. Freedom – Being able to make my own choices and change my mind if I need to.
14. Books – Wisdom, escape, perspective. They’ve saved me more than once.
15. Lessons Learned – Especially the painful ones. They taught me boundaries and discernment.
16. Silence – The kind that feels peaceful, not punishing.
17. Travel – Seeing the world reminds me how much life exists beyond my current worries.
18. Self-Acceptance – I don’t fight myself the way I used to. That’s huge.
19. Routine – Structure calms my nervous system. Stability feels safe now.
20. My Sense of Humor – Being able to laugh at myself keeps me humble and sane.
21. Courage – I keep showing up, even when I’m scared.
22. Rest – Learning that slowing down is not laziness. It’s wisdom.
23. Aging – Every year has made me more honest with myself.
24. Perspective – I don’t chase every argument anymore. Peace is more important.
25. Kindness – The softness that still exists in the world.
26. Opportunities – The chances I took and the ones still waiting for me.
27. Failures – They shaped my character more than my successes ever did.
28. Accomplishment – Even small goals matter. Especially the small ones.
29. Dreams – I still have them. And I’m not done chasing them.
30. My Strength – I have endured more than I talk about.
31. Compassion – I understand pain, so I move through the world more gently.
32. Inspiring People – Those who live with integrity remind me what’s possible.
33. Quiet Evenings – When the world slows down, and I can just exist.
34. Letting Go – Releasing what hurts instead of holding it out of habit.
35. Forgiveness – Not for others. For my own peace.
36. Hope – Even when things are uncertain, I still believe in better days.
37. My Voice – Writing again. Expressing myself without shrinking.
38. Emotional Awareness – I see my patterns now. I’m not blind to them anymore.
39. Resilience – I bend, but I don’t break.
40. Choosing Myself – Learning to put my needs first without guilt. Protecting my energy. Listening to my body. Setting standards.
41. Being Alive – After everything, I’m still here. That alone is sacred.

This year feels different, so I’m doing something different. Alongside gratitude, I’m writing down 41 things I want to work on before I turn 42. Not because I’m not enough, but because I believe growth and self-awareness are lifelong responsibilities.

41 Things I Want to Improve Before 42

1. Listen to my body sooner – No more pushing through pain just to prove I can.
2. Protect my nervous system – Limit chaos, especially emotional chaos.
3. Sleep like it matters – Because it does.
4. Be consistent with physical rehab – Healing is discipline, not mood.
5. Move daily – My body carried me this far. Taking care of it is my responsibility.
6. Stop over-explaining myself – “No” is a complete sentence.
7. Believe patterns the first time – Not the fifth.
8. Walk away sooner when respect drops – No more waiting for it to return.
9. Stop trying to fix people – Especially grown adults. I am not responsible for raising or repairing anyone, and emotional maturity is not my job to teach.
10. Require emotional accountability – No more accepting half apologies.
11. Trust my intuition faster – My first instinct is usually right.
12. Stop second-guessing my boundaries – If I need it, it’s valid. Healthy people don’t argue with boundaries.
13. Choose peace over proving a point – Winning arguments isn’t winning life.
14. Protect my creative time – Writing is part of who I am.
15. Be more financially disciplined – Stability equals freedom.
16. Save consistently – Even when it feels small.
17. Build something that is mine – Independent of any relationship.
18. Stop shrinking to keep others comfortable – My light is not too much. If it blinds you, wear sunglasses.
19. Release perfectionism – Progress is enough.
20. Stop replaying old mistakes – I already paid for those lessons.
21. Speak up immediately when something feels off – Not days, not weeks later.
22. Actions over words– Always.
23. Detach from emotional rollercoasters – Stability and consistency are attractive.
24. Limit exposure to negativity online – Energy hygiene matters.
25. Say what I mean clearly – Without softening it to avoid reactions.
26. Stop absorbing other people’s moods – Their emotions are not mine.
27. Strengthen my daily routine – Structure supports mental health.
28. Prioritize therapy or self-work consistently – Growth needs maintenance.
29. Stop abandoning myself in hard moments – I will stay with myself when things feel overwhelming instead of minimizing what I need.
30. Practice gratitude without ignoring reality – Both can exist.
31. Rest without guilt – Recovery is not laziness. I will go to bed when I need to, even if I don’t sleep right away.
32. Celebrate small wins more often – Not just big milestones.
33. Surround myself with emotionally mature people – Standards matter. My peace is too expensive.
34. Self-trust focus – Trust my experience. I don’t need validation to know what happened.
35. Reduce people-pleasing tendencies – I don’t need to over-explain myself.
36. Strengthen my independence emotionally – Not needing constant reassurance.
37. Improve my communication in conflict – Express what bothers me before I “explode”.
38. Detach from what I cannot control – Especially other people.
39. Stay aligned with my values – Even when it’s inconvenient.
40. Choose long-term peace over short-term validation – Always.
41. Fully choose myself – Daily. In small decisions. In big ones.