Healing Isn’t Always Loud

I haven’t posted since September 23rd. It wasn’t planned. I just needed space. I needed to take care of myself.

October was heavy. Emotionally, physically, even spiritually.
It shook things loose that I wasn’t ready to face.
So I permitted myself to pause. To reflect. To reset.
Sometimes I don’t want to turn my pain into content.
I needed time to feel, to think, to figure out what had to change and what I wasn’t willing to carry anymore.

I go quiet when something feels off. When I can’t shake the weight of it.
Disappearing is how I sort myself out.
I don’t always want to talk. I don’t always want to explain – especially when some people only hear what fits their view.
Some don’t listen to understand. They listen to reply.
Silence is where my thoughts make sense and my heart calms down.
Most people don’t notice, or they get it wrong. But that’s how I process. That’s how I cope.

Yes, this is my personal blog. I’m allowed to feel, to speak, to pour my heart out.
Lately, old wounds reopened. Childhood pain, fresh triggers, and grief, I’m finally learning to let go.
There’s a lot I could say. But I won’t. Not to protect anyone, but to protect my peace.
Some truths don’t need an audience. Some patterns speak loudly enough.

This time, I saw things for what they were.
I paid attention to actions, not words. And that changed everything.

I came across a quote that said,
“The deepest hurts I carry didn’t come from strangers.
They came from people I gave space to. People I cared for. People I trusted.”
And that’s what makes it sting – when the pain comes with a familiar face.

Some people aren’t sorry for what they did.
They’re just uncomfortable that you remember.
They don’t feel guilt. Just the fear of being seen clearly.
They won’t fix what they broke. They’ll twist your memory of it.
And when they say “I didn’t mean it like that,” it’s not to make it right.
It’s to shut you down.

I’ve felt that. I’ve learned from it. I’ve stopped making space for it.

I cried in silence. I held my own hand.
I chose not to share every wound.
Some healing needs quiet.
Some chapters aren’t meant to be written while you’re still surviving them.

Lately, I’ve been recharging. Untangling a lot.
Giving myself the care I used to give away too easily.
I’ve been thinking about what it really means to protect my peace.
And I’ve learned self-love isn’t always soft.
Sometimes it’s choosing distance.
Sometimes it’s letting people sit with the choices they made, even if they never admit it.
Sometimes it is letting people go, even if they are family, friends, or whatever.

But I’m still here. A little quieter. A little colder. A little wiser and more grounded.
I’m finding my way back to myself, to my voice, to this space.

If you’re still reading, thank you.
If you’ve ever had to pull away from people who couldn’t meet you where you were, I see you.

We’re still healing. Still growing. Still rising.
And that counts for something ♥

And if you ever need space – take it.
You don’t owe anyone your presence while you’re finding your peace.
You don’t need to explain your silence or apologize for protecting your heart.
Your healing doesn’t need permission.
Only you get to decide what’s best for your soul.

Take the pause. Take a breath.
Come back when you’re ready. Or not.
That choice is yours. Always.