I’m Always There for Everyone… But Who’s There for Me?

I was three years old the first time the world taught me that my body was not mine. That safety is not guaranteed, not even in the arms that should’ve protected me.

And since then, I’ve been surviving. Not living. Surviving.

I’ve grown up being the strong one. The understanding one. The light in everyone’s darkness. People come to me when they need comfort, healing, or laughter. And I give it – even when I’m breaking. I give it because I know what it feels like to need someone and have no one.

But let me ask you this:

Where the hell is everyone when I’m the one falling apart?

When I’m drowning in flashbacks. When my chest is tight and the panic rises like a wave, I can’t escape. When I can’t stop crying, when I feel like I’m not even real anymore, when my soul feels bruised and hollow.
Where are you?

I show up. I always show up. With kind words, open arms, and soft strength, even when I’m bleeding on the inside. Even when my soul and my heart are shattered into pieces.
But when I need even a sliver of what I give, people turn cold. They say, “You’re strong.”
They say, “You’ll be okay.”

But I’m tired of being strong. I’m tired of being the one who always has to rise.

I don’t want to be the one who always understands and never gets understood.
I don’t want to be a dumping ground for other people’s pain while mine is dismissed as drama or too heavy.

I wanted someone – ANYONE- to look at me and see me. The little girl who didn’t get saved. The woman who still carries that silence like a second skin.
I wanted someone to hold me and say, “You don’t have to be okay right now. You don’t have to carry all of this alone anymore.”

But they don’t. They can’t.
They’re too wrapped up in their own mess to notice the weight on my back, the cracks in my voice.

And maybe that’s why I’m writing this.

Because I need to speak for the girl who never got the kindness she deserved.
Because I’m done whispering my pain in the corner while the world demands I smile. “You should smile more”, they say. I’m tired of all this. SO TIRED!!!

So this is for every person who has ever leaned on me and never looked back.
This is for every time I cried silently, hoping someone would notice.
This is for the strength you all applauded while ignoring the brokenness behind it.

And this is also for me, the version of me that still needs healing, still needs softness, still needs love.

I am not made of stone. I am not your savior.
I am a human being with a heart that’s been shattered more times than I can count.
And still, somehow… I keep loving.

But damn it, I’m tired.

So tired.

Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash