Thriving as a Social Introvert (While Still Being Yourself)

I’m a big introvert. Like… please-don’t-call-me level introvert. But I also genuinely enjoy socializing now and then, when the vibes are right, the people are kind, and I don’t feel like I have to be someone else to be accepted.

Awkward? Yep.
Impossible? Not at all.

Here’s how I’ve learned to enjoy socializing as an introvert without draining my soul or pretending to be someone I’m not. Social interaction is part of life, and avoiding it completely isn’t realistic, but you don’t have to hate it, either. Let’s talk about how to show up, recharge, and still be fully you.

Embrace Your Introvert Self

Let’s start with this: there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.
It took me well over 30+ years to figure that out.

I used to think something was broken in me because I didn’t get excited about parties or big group dinners. I thought I was weird because I needed time alone after even the smallest social outing. Being surrounded by loud, outgoing friends and watching shows where everyone’s bubbly and hyper-social (yes, I’m one of those people who seriously dislikes the show Friends and Nutella) just made me feel like I didn’t belong.

But that was a lie.

Introverts don’t need to “fix” themselves. We don’t need to be louder or more available. We need space to be ourselves, and that’s more than enough. I’ve learned to be social in my own way, on my own terms. I don’t need to be the center of attention to feel connected. I can just be present. Quietly, but fully.

One of my BFFs gave me this card years ago, and I kept this birthday card because it always reminds me it’s really cool to just be me. Even if you tell some people to go f*** off -contains irony- •ᴗ•

Your vibe attracts your tribe.

The Gifts of Being an Introvert

Here’s what I’ve learned about myself as a social introvert:

• I’m a great listener.
• I notice when someone else feels uncomfortable and gently pull them in.
• I value deep, meaningful connections over shallow crowds.
• I’m self-aware, thoughtful, and don’t need noise to feel fulfilled.

One or two close friendships are more than enough for me. I don’t need a dozen people in my circle; I need the right people.

Honestly? This world is already too loud. We need more soft voices, more space-holders, more people who think before they speak. That’s us.

Set Your Boundaries (And Honor Them)

This one is crucial. Don’t say yes to every invite. Don’t push yourself past your limits just to prove you’re “trying.”

Being an introvert means your social energy is precious. And when it runs out, it runs out. Choose the events that genuinely interest you. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to say no , kindly, firmly, and guilt-free.

For me, things like big family dinners, loud birthday parties, or anything with a high-energy crowd drain me quickly. And if I don’t give myself recovery time after, I pay for it mentally and physically. I need silence, solitude, and space to recharge. Period.

Reprogram Your Inner Monologue

Sometimes the hardest part of being social is the dread that builds up beforehand. You start imagining the worst: awkward silences, feeling invisible, not knowing what to say.

I started using affirmations like “I’m going to enjoy this” or “I’m looking forward to seeing her again”, even when I didn’t believe it. And over time, it helped. My brain started accepting the idea that socializing could be a positive thing, not a battle I had to survive.

Our thoughts shape our experience. It sounds a little woo-woo, but it works.

Prep Some Conversation Starters

Small talk is hell. I said what I said.

But you can make it a little easier by coming prepared. Think of a few topics that feel natural and genuine to you, not forced.

Instead of the classic “So what do you do?” (ugh), try:

• “Seen anything good on Netflix lately?”
• “What’s been the best part of your week so far?”
• “What book have you loved this year?”
• “Have you traveled anywhere fun recently?”
• “What did you get the birthday girl/guy?”

I like to keep a few easy ones in my mental back pocket. It helps cut the edge off that anxious silence.

Become Comfortable Being Yourself

I used to try to blend in at social events. To be louder, more outgoing, less “weird.” I’d mimic other people’s energy to fit in. But it was exhausting.

Eventually, I just got tired of pretending. I reached a point where I was like, “Why am I working so hard to not be me?” Being soft-spoken, quirky, thoughtful – that’s who I am. And the right people won’t just accept that… they’ll love it.

Say Yes (When You Mean It)

Sometimes, saying no is necessary. But every now and then, you’ll feel that little inner nudge, a mix of fear and excitement, when something outside your comfort zone shows up.

Follow that.

You don’t have to dive into a nightclub every Friday. But maybe try going out for dinner with a new friend. Say yes to a low-key birthday brunch. Attend that open mic night you’ve been curious about. Give yourself permission to explore life without pushing too far, too fast.

And then, when it’s over, rest. Prioritize sleep. Take a bath. Recharge fully. That’s the introvert cycle… expand, then retreat.

Make Friends with Extroverts

Opposites really can balance each other beautifully. One of my closest friends is a full-blown extrovert (the one that gave me the Birthday Card). When I lived in Holland, she would drag me out of my hermit cave when I needed it, and I helped ground her when she was spinning in a million directions.

She gave me social energy, and I gave her calm.
It works.

Take Small Steps (But Do It Often)

One of the best things I learned in therapy: small exposure is everything. I used to have anxiety around eating in public. My therapist encouraged me to do it often, in tiny doses.

Coffee and a muffin. One slice of pizza. Sit, breathe, leave when ready.

You can use this strategy with social events, too. Go to something low-pressure, stay for an hour, then leave. Repeat next time. Let confidence build slowly.

Rethink What “Being Social” Looks Like

Being social doesn’t have to mean crowded bars or loud dinners. For introverts, it can be:

• A quiet walk and talk through the woods
• Sitting on the porch with coffee and deep conversation
• A craft night with a small group
• Sharing silence with someone you feel safe with

Create your own version of connection. It still counts.

Show Kindness to Another Introvert

Introverts recognize each other. We just know.

So when you spot someone who seems shy, anxious, or out of place, smile. Say hi. Compliment their outfit. Ask a gentle question. That small moment of kindness could make their whole day… and maybe start a new friendship too.

Eye Contact Isn’t Everything

I know they say eye contact is the key to communication, but for introverts and shy folks, it can be super uncomfortable. I honestly don’t mind. I like to make eye contact when I’m talking; everyone is different. If it’s too much for you, try looking between someone’s eyes or near their face. Nod, smile, listen. You can still connect without feeling like you’re in a staring contest.

Let yourself engage in ways that feel safe for you.

Keep In Touch With Your Safe People

When you move to a new place or start a new chapter, making new friends can be draining. And that’s okay.

Stay in touch with the people who already know your soul. Send voice notes. Call. Share memes. Meet up when you can. Let those familiar connections fill your cup while you ease into new ones.

When You’re Done… Rest

If you’ve used up all your social battery at an event, you don’t need to force yourself to keep going.

Sit back. Listen. Let others take the stage. Extroverts love an audience, and introverts make amazing listeners. Take the backseat and let your mind rest.

You showed up, that’s already a win.

You’re Not Alone

Social anxiety is way more common than most people think. You are not weak. You are human.

And if it ever gets too heavy to carry alone, talk to someone. A therapist. A friend. A support group. There’s help, and you deserve it.

You can thrive socially without being loud, fake, or someone you’re not. You can protect your peace and connect with others. You can be quiet and still take up space.

You don’t need to change who you are; you just need to work with who you are.

That’s the real magic.

Good Book for Introverts

If you are anything like me, curling up with a good book won’t be a challenge for you, so why not try one of these? Deepen your understanding and awareness of life as an introvert and why we are pretty amazing.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking (Susan Cain).

The perfect confidence boost for all the introverts out there. Susan takes the time to explain how introverts’ and extroverts’ brains are and points out how modern society underestimates the power of introverts. This book will make you think about your quiet side in a new and more positive way.

The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside our Hidden World (Jenn Granneman).

The guide to being an introvert, for all the quiet beings out there and for those who love them. This manifesto will guide you towards understanding, owning, and thriving through your introverted qualities.

The Introvert Advantage: How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert World. (Marty Olsen Lany).

This book aims to dispel common myths and judgments about being an introvert. There’s a good chance it has nothing to do with being shy, timid, aloof, or lacking good social skills. It provides tools and examples to improve communication and confidence whilst being true to yourself.

The Introvert Entrepreneur: Amplify your Strengths and Create Success on Your Own Terms (Beth Buelow).

This book resonated with me. I needed to ditch the idea that to be a success in business, I needed to be loud, pushy, and out there. Beth Buelow is a professional coach. She shows introverts how to love and utilize their natural gifts and deal with challenges that arise like the avoidance of self-promotion. Nobody dislikes talking about themself more than an introvert. Quiet the inner critic and follow that dream.

Ready to get out there and start enjoying being more social? Apply the tips you have learned here. Take baby steps and give yourself breaks from being social as often as you need. Remember the social needs of your friends, colleagues, and family don’t have to match your own. Go at your own pace and find a balance that suits you to create a healthy social life. For me, that still includes plenty of duvet days with a movie and a hot chocolate.