Stop Settling For Less Than You Deserve

I’ve been thinking a lot about settling lately. Mostly because I see so many people doing it. I’ve done it, too – more times than I’d like to admit. And honestly? It’s exhausting watching people live a life that’s half-loved, half-lived, and half-felt.

Let’s stop that.

And I’m not just talking about romantic relationships. I mean all of it, how we show up in relationships with partners, friends, family, even ourselves.

I won’t say we only live once, because I don’t believe that. But I do believe in not wasting this lifetime on people and situations that make us shrink.

Relationships

I wish I could message every single one of you reading this, because when you’re in it, you don’t always see it. You don’t see how much you’re giving. You don’t notice how little you’re receiving. You don’t realize that comfort isn’t love. It’s often a quiet form of resignation.

That meme going around, “Marriage is hard, divorce is hard, choose your hard” – drives me mad. Because most of us enter serious relationships when we’re young, when we still haven’t figured out who we are or what we’ll need long-term. So we settle. And we tell ourselves we’re lucky. We confuse habit for love. Familiarity with safety.

But the truth is: being in the wrong relationship is harder. Waking up every day knowing you’re not truly seen or supported, that’s hard. Trying to survive in something that drains you, just because you’re afraid of being alone, that’s not living.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Is this about me?” Yeah. It probably is.

I see you. With the mediocre relationship. With the one-sided partnership that leaves you stressed, invisible, and exhausted. You’re raising kids, working, cooking, cleaning – while your partner sits comfortably on cruise control, watching you drown.

You keep making excuses: they’re tired, they’re stressed, they don’t mean it like that. But when someone sees you struggling and still refuses to help… that’s not love. That’s disregard.

One of the biggest things that keeps people stuck isn’t comfort, it’s shame. It’s the fear of what people will say. The embarrassment of ending something you once fought so hard for. I’ve been there. I ended my marriage in 2015, and I remember thinking constantly, “What will people say?”

But a few years later, I can tell you with full certainty: it doesn’t matter. And I don’t give a flying fuck about what people say.

At some point, it’s no longer about time invested; it’s about time wasted.

Dating

Stop giving third, fourth, and fifth chances to people who aren’t even trying. Stop forcing chemistry where there is none. Stop telling yourself, “Maybe I’m asking for too much,” when the truth is, they’re offering far too little.

Someone once said to me:
“You’re not too much. They are just not enough. And if they can’t handle your light, they can stay in the dark.”
I still think about that.

If someone doesn’t value your time, they don’t deserve access to it. Period.

Friendships

This is another area where we settle way too often.

I’ve spent years being a pushover. Being nice when I should’ve been honest. Keeping people around out of guilt or obligation. And I’ve learned, kindness doesn’t mean allowing disrespect.

If someone repeatedly drains you, ignores you, or makes everything about themselves, that’s not friendship. That’s emotional labor.

If you feel worse after every interaction, if they suck the life out of every room, they’re not your people. Even if you’ve been friends for 20 years.

And when it comes to family, I know it’s trickier. You might not be able to walk away. But you can build boundaries that protect your peace. You can say, “This is what I will and won’t tolerate.” And you can stick to it.

You don’t owe anyone your energy.

Self-Care

This is where it all starts.

Self-care isn’t bubble baths and candles. It’s choices. Boundaries. Habits. It’s respecting yourself enough to stop settling for crumbs, because you know damn well you deserve a feast.

This past year, I made a decision: no more settling. Not in how I treat myself. Not in how I speak to myself. Not in how I let others treat me.

Here’s what I’ve started doing:

• Guided meditations at least once a week (there are great ones on YouTube and Spotify)
• A consistent skincare routine that makes me feel good
• Drinking more water and cutting back on caffeine (still working on that one)
• Getting outside more – not just with my dog, but intentionally
• Treating myself when I can: nails, a new outfit, a solo coffee date
• Enjoying my own company – learning how to be alone without feeling lonely

If you’re in my life now, it’s because I want you there. Not because I’m afraid to be alone.

How Do You Actually Stop Settling?

It’s easy to say. But when you’re deep in it, it’s hard to see clearly. So here are some places to start:

• Stop making excuses for poor behavior. Tired, stressed, or “not usually like this” are not valid reasons to treat someone badly.
• Don’t accept your current life as your final chapter. You’re allowed to change everything. At any time. For any reason.
• Stop saying yes to things that feel like a no. You’re allowed to decline. You’re allowed to walk away.
• Start journaling. Write down what you love about yourself. What do you want? What you’re done tolerating. Make it real on paper.
• Set boundaries – and hold them. Boundaries without enforcement are invitations to be crossed.
• Create a plan. Figure out what needs to change. Start small. Build new routines. Shift one thing at a time.

Final Thoughts

You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to stop settling.

Because one day, you’re going to look back and realize how much time you spent waiting for someone else to treat you the way you could’ve treated yourself all along, with love, respect, and intention.

So let this be your reminder:
You are not too much.
You are not asking for too much.
You’ve simply been giving too much to the wrong things.

And that ends now.