Empaths and Narcissists: Why Narcissists Target Empaths
I didn’t even know what “narcissistic supply” meant when I was in it. I just knew I felt drained. Confused. Like I was constantly trying to prove I was good enough, loving enough, patient enough. That’s when I started reading… A lot. And here’s what I learned.
What Is Narcissism, Really?
The word “narcissist” gets thrown around a lot online. It is often used to describe anyone who is selfish, arrogant, or inconsiderate. But psychologically, narcissism exists on a spectrum. At one end, there are narcissistic traits. Many people have them to some degree. Wanting validation. Struggling with criticism. Protecting one’s ego. At the other end is Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD. This is a clinical diagnosis characterized by persistent patterns of:
- Grandiosity or inflated self-importance
- Deep need for admiration
- Entitlement
- Exploitative behavior
- Chronic lack of empathy
- Fragile self-esteem masked by superiority
It is important to separate traits from a full personality disorder. Not everyone who behaves selfishly has NPD. But when patterns are consistent, harmful, and present across different areas of life, we are talking about something deeper than occasional ego issues.
I am not a mental health professional. What I share comes from personal experience and a lot of self education over the years, trying to understand behaviors that did not make sense to me at the time.
What Is Narcissistic Supply?
Narcissistic supply is attention, admiration, validation, control, and emotional reactions. A narcissistic person depends on external reactions to regulate their self-worth. Praise makes them feel powerful. Fear makes them feel in control. Your tears make them feel important. Your anger proves they still matter.
Supply is not always positive. Even negative attention can feed them. If they can make you react, they feel alive.
Why Do Narcissists Target Empaths?
Not always consciously, but the pattern is common. Empaths are emotionally aware. They feel deeply, care deeply, they try to understand, and they give multiple chances. To someone who needs a constant supply, that is attractive.
Empaths tend to:
- Listen more than they speak
- See potential instead of patterns
- Forgive quickly
- Take responsibility for fixing things
- Believe love can heal
That kind of heart looks like safety to a narcissistic personality.
The False Self of the Narcissist
Many narcissistic people operate from what psychologists call a “false self.” It is a mask.
Confident, charming, magnetic, successful, and unique. Underneath that mask is often deep insecurity and shame. Instead of facing that pain, they build a personality around avoiding it. The false self needs constant reinforcement. That is where supply comes in.
If no one is reflecting admiration back to them, the mask cracks.
Why Empaths Attract Narcissistic People
Empaths do not attract narcissists because they are weak; they attract them because they are emotionally open.
Empaths tend to:
- Give the benefit of the doubt
- Stay in conversations longer
- Try to understand someone’s trauma
- Confuse intensity with connection
Narcissistic personalities often mirror what the empath wants in the beginning. Same dreams, values, depth. It feels like finally being understood, but it is often strategic mirroring. Once attachment forms, the dynamic shifts.
Being Empathic and Codependent
This is where it gets uncomfortable. Empathy is healthy. Codependency is not.
Codependency happens when you start believing it is your job to fix, heal, manage, or regulate someone else’s emotions.
You overgive, overexplain, you shrink to keep peace. You start measuring your worth by how much you can save someone. That is not empathy anymore. That is self-abandonment.
Why the Narcissist Worries After Discarding You
This part confuses many people. If they left, why do they still watch you? Why do they come back? Why do they react when you move on?
Because you were the supply.
If you were deeply empathic, you likely gave consistent attention, emotional energy, and validation. When that disappears, they feel the loss of fuel. It is not always about love. It is often about control and ego. If you stop reacting, it unsettles them.
Why a Narcissist Won’t Divorce You
Sometimes they do not leave even when the relationship is unhealthy. Why?
- Because you are a stable supply.
- Because divorce damages their image.
- Because losing you means losing control.
- Because they do not want you to be happy with someone else.
It can become more about possession than partnership.
What Happens When an Empath Leaves a Narcissist?
This is where things shift. When the empath truly detaches, the narcissistic person often reacts strongly. There may be:
- Hoovering, trying to pull you back
- Love bombing again
- Smear campaigns
- Anger
- Threats
- Sudden promises
Why? Because the dynamic changed, and the source of supply is gone.
For the empath, leaving can feel terrifying at first. There is trauma bonding, confusion, and grief. But slowly, clarity returns, energy returns, self-trust returns.
How Can Empaths Protect Themselves From Narcissists
This is the most important part.
- Learn the patterns. Knowledge reduces self-doubt.
- Stop over-explaining yourself. You do not need to convince someone of your reality.
- Set boundaries and follow through. Not threats. Actions.
- Limit emotional access. Not everyone deserves your vulnerability.
- Strengthen your support system. Isolation keeps you stuck.
- Work on codependency. Ask yourself why you feel responsible for saving others.
And most importantly: Starve the narcissist of supply.
No dramatic reactions.
No emotional arguments.
No chasing for closure.
Calm. Short. Clear.
If they cannot get a reaction, the control weakens.
Conclusion
The empath and narcissist dynamic is powerful because it plays on both people’s wounds. One avoids shame by building a false self. The other avoids abandonment by overgiving.
Healing begins when the empath stops trying to fix someone who does not want to change.
Empathy is a gift, but it is not meant to be used against you.
You can stay kind without staying in harm, and you are not responsible for feeding someone who refuses to feed themselves.
