Living with Inattentive ADHD: The Struggle You Don’t Always See

What Is ADHD?
ADHD stands for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. It’s a neurodevelopmental condition that affects how the brain manages attention, impulse control, and executive functioning. It’s not just about being hyper or unfocused; it’s about how your brain is wired. People with ADHD might struggle with concentration, organization, emotional regulation, or completing tasks, even if they really want to. ADHD isn’t a lack of intelligence or effort. It’s a different rhythm, a different operating system, and when understood and supported, it can be a powerful part of who we are.

When people think of ADHD, they often imagine someone loud, restless, or constantly moving. But ADHD wears many faces, and some are quieter. What about the ones who drift into daydreams mid-sentence, who read the same paragraph five times and still can’t remember what it said, who set three alarms and still lose track of time? That’s Inattentive ADHD, often overlooked, deeply misunderstood, and very, very real.

Understanding the Subtypes of ADHD

ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) isn’t one-size-fits-all. The DSM-5 breaks it into three subtypes:

• Inattentive Type (ADHD-I): The daydreamers, the easily distracted, the ones who struggle with organization and follow-through but might seem calm on the outside.
• Hyperactive-Impulsive Type (ADHD-HI): The energetic, impulsive types who are often “on the go” and might act before thinking.
• Combined Type (ADHD-C): A blend of both inattentive and hyperactive symptoms.

I fall under the Combined Type, which means I get the best (or worst?) of both worlds. I might look calm one minute and feel like a storm inside the next. Just because I’m not bouncing off the walls 24/7 doesn’t mean my brain isn’t running marathons, spinning ideas, forgetting things, and feeling everything all at once.

What Inattentive ADHD Feels Like

Imagine trying to watch five movies at once, but all of them are playing in different languages, and the remote’s missing. That’s my brain on most days. I’ll walk into a room and completely forget why I’m there. I’ll stare at a to-do list and feel like I’m about to cry because I genuinely don’t know where to start. Sometimes I do start, but forget to finish.

Here are some common struggles for those with Inattentive ADHD:

1. Time Blindness

Deadlines sneak up on us like ninjas. We either hyperfocus for 10 hours straight or procrastinate until it’s 1 AM the night before.

2. Forgetfulness

Messages left on read, appointments missed, groceries half-bought. It’s not that we don’t care, it’s that our brain lets go of info like a sieve.

3. Disorganization

Our inbox is a battlefield, our bags are black holes, and we have 27 tabs open on Chrome (not counting the ones in our head with the music in the background).

4. Poor Working Memory

You told me what to do, but I’ve already forgotten by the time I reach the next room. Instructions? Gone with the Wind.

5. Emotional Dysregulation

We feel everything hard. A small comment can spiral into hours of overthinking. A forgotten text can feel like rejection.

6. Executive Dysfunction

Starting a task feels like pushing a car uphill, even when we want to do it. We aren’t lazy; our “go” button just doesn’t always work.

Real-Life Examples

• I’ve poured cereal before realizing I had no milk.
• I’ve replied to messages in my head, swearing I actually sent them.
• I’ve spaced out mid-conversation and nodded, hoping no one noticed.
• I’ve hyperfocused on editing a blog post for six hours… and forgot to eat.

And this isn’t just “being forgetful.” It’s chronic. It affects relationships, work, school, and most painfully, our self-esteem. Because when the world sees our struggle, they often see it as laziness, carelessness, or flakiness, and we internalize that.

Diagnosis and Gender Bias

Inattentive ADHD is still massively underdiagnosed, especially in women and AFAB individuals. Why? Because we’re expected to be quiet, “good girls.” If we’re not disruptive, we fly under the radar. Instead, we get labeled as shy, anxious, unmotivated, moody, or just “not living up to our potential.”

Spoiler alert: we’ve been trying so damn hard.

What Helps?

Here’s what’s helped me survive, and even thrive, with this beautifully chaotic brain:

• Timers and reminders (lots of them – on my phone, on sticky notes, on my dog’s forehead)
• Breaking tasks into micro-steps (instead of “clean the house,” I say “pick up laundry,” “vacuum just the living room,” etc.)
• Body doubling (working near someone else, even virtually, helps keep me on task)
• Forgiveness (for myself, because this isn’t a moral failing, it’s a neurological one)
• Therapy & Medication (if available, both can help build a sustainable toolkit)

Closing Thoughts

If you relate to any of this, please know you’re not lazy, broken, or a bad person. You just think differently, and that’s not a flaw. It’s a different operating system. Sure, we might misplace our keys three times a day, forget where our phone is while holding it in our hand, but we’re also intuitive, imaginative, creative, and deeply empathetic souls. And once we learn how to work with our brains instead of against them, we stop surviving and start living.

I’m not a doctor or a mental health professional - I’m just sharing my own lived experience with ADHD in hopes that it helps someone else feel seen. Always speak to a qualified professional if you think you might have ADHD or want help managing it.