Dating Someone With Bipolar Disorder

As a woman diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I’m not naïve to how people often respond to the label. That’s exactly why I wrote this. If you’re dating (or thinking of dating) someone with a mental illness, take a moment to drop the assumptions and open your heart.

This post isn’t to scare you off. It’s to help you see through our lens, to understand that behind the diagnosis is a full human being trying her best.

Let’s begin.

1. She is self-conscious about her diagnosis.
Even the most confident women carry shame around mental illness, not because we believe it, but because society keeps telling us we should. If you truly care for her, make space for her to feel safe. Mental illness isn’t a flaw. If you can’t speak about it with compassion, don’t pursue her at all.

2. She is a person, not a diagnosis.
Her condition may shape some parts of her life, but it doesn’t define her. She’s not a walking DSM entry. She’s a daughter, a friend, an artist, a reader, a dreamer. Don’t filter her identity through what you’ve seen in headlines or Hollywood.

3. Listen to her. Don’t try to fix her.
Mental illness isn’t a problem to solve. It’s not a broken pipe or a riddle. What she needs is your presence, not your solutions. She already has a therapist. You’re not required to have the right answers. You’re required to care.

4. She wants to feel empowered.
Living with a mental illness can make you feel like the world is constantly trying to dim your light. One of the best things you can do is reflect that light back to her. Help her remember that the parts she sees as flawed might be the most beautiful to you.

5. She’s different from the women you’ve dated before, and that’s a good thing.
She’s not meant to fit into a box. She might challenge the way you think. She might live a little louder, feel things deeper. That’s part of what makes her unforgettable. Don’t treat her like a risk. See her as the gift she is.

6. Don’t blame every argument on her mental health.
She’s allowed to be upset, to have needs, to disagree, and not because of her diagnosis. Don’t weaponize her illness in a fight. It will destroy trust faster than anything else.

7. She’s deeply empathetic.
Many people living with mental illness feel the world more intensely. That includes love, joy, pain, grief: all of it. Let her feel things. Speak to her with honesty. Connection is built through emotional fluency, not surface-level conversations.

8. She doesn’t expect you to fully understand.
You’re not expected to have it all figured out. Mental illness can be confusing, even for the one living it. All she asks is that you stand beside her with curiosity and respect.

9. If she pushes you away, it’s not always what it seems.
She might push, not because she wants to hurt you, but because she’s afraid you’ll leave anyway. It’s a survival reflex. Don’t take it personally. Be patient. Let trust grow without forcing it.

10. She wants you to care about mental health.
If you’re going to be in her life, mental health isn’t a side topic; it’s part of the terrain. Read. Learn. Ask her what she needs. Show her that you’re invested in the things that matter to her.

11. She’ll hide her pain.
Sometimes she’ll laugh when she wants to cry. Sometimes she’ll show up with strength when she’s on the edge of collapse. Don’t try to “rescue” her, just be there. And if it becomes too much for your own well-being, be honest about that, too.

12. Let her choose when to open up about her diagnosis.
Her mental health story is hers to tell, not yours. Respect her pace and privacy. Comments like “Wow, you don’t look mentally ill!” might seem harmless, but they reinforce the very stigma we’re trying to heal from.

13. Like any relationship, there will be challenges.
Mental illness doesn’t guarantee drama. All relationships come with their own work. Don’t overreact at the first sign of emotional turbulence. Instead, ask questions. Learn how to navigate things together.

14. This relationship is not doomed.
Don’t enter it with one foot out the door. If you expect it to fail, it probably will. If you expect it to grow, you give it room to breathe. Mindset matters. So does faith in each other.

15. Her sex drive may fluctuate.
Sometimes it’s heightened. Other times it disappears. Medication, hormones, and emotional episodes can affect intimacy. It’s not about you. Learn how to hold space during the dry spells, and celebrate connection in whatever form it takes.

16. She will withdraw at times.
She may pull back to protect herself or process what’s happening internally. Don’t chase or guilt her for needing space. Give her room to come back on her own; she usually will.

17. Mental illness is a real medical condition.
If you think mental illness is “an excuse” or “not real,” stop reading now. She deserves someone who validates her experience and is willing to educate themselves. This is a non-negotiable.

Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder is a first-of-its-kind book—written specifically for the partner of a person with bipolar disorder. If you have a loved one with bipolar disorder, you know how disruptive and straining this disorder can be to your relationship. You may experience feelings of fear, loss, and anxiety, as well as a constant uncertainty about your loved one’s ever-changing moods.

This book is designed to help you overcome the unique challenges of loving someone with bipolar disorder. With the supportive and helpful information, strategies, and real-life examples contained here, you’ll have all the tools you need to create a loving, healthy, and close relationship.

Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping Your Partner

Final thoughts

Dating someone with a mental illness isn’t always easy. But neither is dating anyone. The difference here is that you’re being invited into a part of her world that requires depth, patience, and real presence.

If you can meet her there, without judgment, without fear, you’ll find something extraordinary. Not because she’s “broken” and you’re “saving” her, but because love that sees all of you is rare. And worth it.

If you care about her, learn with her. Grow beside her. And above all, respect the journey she’s on.

This post was written from lived experience, not medical expertise. If you’re in a relationship that feels unsafe or overwhelming, don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional for support.